It all started last year. By the end of grade eleven, I was 5'4 and 132 pounds. I was not particulary what you would call "overweight" however, I felt unhealthy. My bestfriend said we should start to "eat healthy" and go on runs everyday. We stopped our weekly Saturday afternoon Mandarin lunches, and work breaks eating McDonalds. Sure enough, a month later my friend had gone from 144 pounds to 134 pounds. I had gone from 132 to 123. We were both very proud. I kept to this for awhile, until I realized I was starting to always want fattening foods. In August, right before my trip to Montreal with a couple of friends; I thought to myself, "This is stupid. I'm young, I shouldn't be dieting. I should be able to eat what I want. I'm going on a small vacation, and I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want." When I had made this decision, my dieting partner was now starting a diet plan called "Herbalife" that one of our teachers had introduced us to. I'm more of a naturalist, and I don't believe in those types of diets, because I know how they can ruin your metabolism in the long run. So sure enough, I gave up dieting and BAM. Gained almost all my weight back. I went back up to a whopping 127 sometimes 128. While it was only 4 pounds I'd gained, the whole time it Montreal, I was seriously depressed. When all my friends were getting ready to go out to the bars and clubs, I would by in bed hiding under the covers while I cried because I felt fat. It was terrible.
After arriving home, I realized I was sick of "not caring". I had started this whole healthy lifestyle thing, and I didn't feel healthy now. I wanted to, it was a huge priority for me. I began to eat healthy again, and saw results, althought they were very slow ones. At the beginning of this school year, I started to date my high school love again and everything was great. I didn't even think about food. I lost 3 pounds without even trying. This is when I realized, I'm an emotional eater! It all made sense. When I felt bored, I would eat. When I felt lonely, I would eat. When I was stressed, I would eat. When I was anxious or uncomfortable I would eat. I never really thought that food is only around to keep us alive and healthy. Not to make us happy. I've also realized that food does not bring happiness. Only temporarly, but well then give us a feeling of disgust and shame.
Realizing all of this is what has caused me to start this blog. Everytime I feel like eating when I'm not hungry I will come on here, and tell why I am feeling this way.
Now I'll begin.
Today, I woke up from a dream about a girl that the guy I've always loved has always loved. Haha, sorry if that is confusing. Anyway, I woke up and went downstairs to eat. Do you know what I went to eat?! A huge peice of strawberry mousse cake. Terrible. Shame on me. Then I went to get into the shower, and thought; "Maybe I should check how much I way, to know where I start." OKAY 115. I felt terrible for eating that cake after that because i knew it would catch up to me. Anyway, I'm starting now. No more junk, it's lent. I need to sarcrifice for a good cause. Okay bye.
